NIED: Cubs Win World Series…Against Miami? (BLS in 2015)
So what’s gonna happen in 2015?
I’ll tell you what’s gonna happen in 2015.
I’ll be gone, you’ll be gone, we’ll all be gone (unless you are doing the joint-degree thing).
“You” means current BLS students – whether friend or enemy.
The school’s tuition will be, oh $52,000? Maybe?
Most of the same teachers will be here.
The 50/50 rule will still apply*.
90% of the class will be employed 9 months after graduation.
$106,000 will be the median salary.
The time is now 5:01 PM (date: 4/15/12) and I’ve just gotten off the phone with a senior in high school from Loomis Chaffee—my alma mater. I told her, after an extremely long-winded monologue about my one-act play that was banned at Loomis, the classmates at law school that I have from Loomis, this election, and the election that took place my freshman year at Loomis, that I would give her $20 on the condition that someone at the Loomis Chaffee alumni relations department put me in touch with a Chapter 11 attorney at a big law firm in New York City for the purposes of an informational interview so that I will know (since I can’t get in their doors through OCI) how I can transition into that job in three or four years, so that I will know what I must accomplish. I told her that if no one ever got in touch with me, I would not donate next year.
If BLS does the same thing, we can solve our funding problems. The school must make an effort to implement this permanent solution to a purportedly temporary problem. If it does not, then BLS in 2015 will look exactly the same as it looks in 2012.
The Cubs will not win the World Series in 2014 (or 2015 – the image from Back to the Future Part 2 is unclear—though ostensibly, the World Series is not yet over by October 21 of any year, so it seems as if 2014 is the intended year) because the Miami Marlins will not be in the American League. However, it is not for this reason that this prediction will be inaccurate.
The prediction will be inaccurate because the Cubs are a team that is fundamentally based upon the idea of lovable losing and ridiculous drunken celebrations of victories that are inconsequential in the long run, but oh-so-sweet in the moment. The prediction will also be inaccurate because Theo Epstein is at the helm.
Theo Epstein is regarded as a wunderkind that will implement “moneyball, etc.” strategies in order to win. Profits will go up if the payroll is kept relatively low and the team is successful (though, the Cubs will always be popular).
The Cubs are basically the same thing as Brooklyn Law School. Except they are a for-profit corporation. Remember, Wrigley v. Schlensky, people [that have studied Corporations]?
We don’t want to put the lights on because we don’t see how that’s going to increase our revenue. Our neighborhood is opposed to evening games. Moreover, you haven’t provided sufficient evidence that if we put your plan into effect, we’re guaranteed to profit.
For the sake of not getting into a long-winded analytical breakdown, assume arguendo that the next sentence is accurate: Nicholas Allard is basically the same thing as Theo Epstein. However, we know less about him. Theo took the Red Sox to their first championship in many, many years. The Cubs got Theo because they wanted him to take them to their first championship in 106 years (most Cubs fans are in agreement that Theo’s “system” will “pay off” in 2014). The General Manager of a baseball team is like the Dean of a law school. You’re in charge of building the team. The Professors at law school are more like the coaches of the baseball team. Obviously, the students are the players. Some of us have to spend a bit more time in the farm system—and indeed some of us will never leave the farm system—but we will be called up when it is clear that we are able to perform at the Major League level. The President of a law school is most like the owner or controlling stockholder of the baseball team. (I am not going to follow up this sentence with anything.)
More problematic, as a friend recently pointed out to me, is that Theo came to a team that was already pretty successful. They hadn’t gone to the Series, but they had consistently battled with the Yankees for the top spot in their division (until those pesky Rays did their own “strategic overhaul”). After it seemed inevitable that Theo would be leaving, the Red Sox suffered a collapse of monumental proportions at the end of the season, thwarting their playoff prospects. The Cubs have dismantled their team (just yesterday, Marlon Byrd was traded to the Red Sox, ironically). Prospects for the future are speculative at best – so we must simply have faith that things will work out for us, eventually.
Here’s hoping the world still doesn’t suck in 2015 for the Cubs, and for BLS students.
Christopher J. Knorps is a 2L at Brooklyn Law School. He enjoys studying bankruptcy law. He is a die-hard Cubs fan.
*As of 4/19/12, the 50/50 Rule is hereby amended to the 40/60 Rule (cool students are now outweighed by un-cool students). Please note that it has not been amended to the 5/95 Rule.