Legally in Love: “Non-Dates”
Illustration by Shaina Rubin
Springtime is here! The smell of love and pollen pervades the air. I’ve seen some fancy engagement rings shining on perfectly manicured hands along with a couple of new relationship status updates on Facebook. Pining after a new boo can make the dreary days spent inside poorly lit classrooms go that much faster.
My mushy heart swoons with delight while my player instincts are somewhat disgusted by these ironclad commitments, for not all of us seek such a strong brand of loyalty (precedence goes first to future employer, then future boyfriend). There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner though (or at least a BLSG); we naturally crave intimacy since we are only human after all. If you want to find yourself a new after-hours friend, NOW would be the time with exams soon upon us !!!
In other words, you have about a two-week window of opportunity before you are subjected to scrimmaging for outlines and freaking out over your finals. Take advantage of this weather and this city by asking that single friend of the opposite (or same) sex if he/she would like to hang out and do something fun outside of 250 Joralemon. However, don’t aim for convenience by doing drinks at Floyds or dinner at Ki Sushi: I may be a dating pro, but these customary encounters personally bore me. Instead of trying to impress this person, it basically proves that you put no thought into these plans, and these typical dates usually turn out to be plain awkward.
Therefore, frame this outing as a “non-date” – make sure to keep this non-law school fun relaxed and informal. You could take a subway ride down to the Brooklyn Museum to check out the #1 rated exhibit on Egyptian art, take a ghost tour of Manhattan for the paranormal aficionados, or go rock climbing for the athletic types. And for those of us still broke from Barrister’s Ball, there’s always an afternoon stroll through Prospect Park.
There are an infinite number of things you can do with your non-date in good ol’ New York. No need to dress up and discuss favorite musicians or recent Supreme Court cases (especially the last one – DON’T talk about law). If you make it a date, then it comes with all the uncomfortable strings attached to dating – the situation could easily become uncomfortable for both of you. Going on a non-date will put both of you at ease since the focus is shifted to the activity at hand rather than any potential chemistry the two of you have been feeling. Plus, if it doesn’t end up progressing to the next level, you can still walk away smiling about the great time you had together. Ultimately, you’ve already spent enough time with this person in a school setting, so it’s time to get to know him/her while doing something a bit more unusual and exciting.
A better and less implicitly homophobic way of saying “that single friend of the opposite (or same) sex” might have been “that single friend.” What you did here is like saying “not that there’s anything wrong with that!” Seinfeld-style after mentioning a gay person.
Acknowledging that gay people exist in a flip parenthetical might have been okay in 1993, but today I’d submit that it might even be a little more offensive than just excluding them from your discussion entirely.
Have to disagree. It definitely adds romantic connotations that would have otherwise been missing. A form of imagery that this often monotone, increasing zealous, and paranoid student atmosphere sorely needs. Perhaps not taking life so seriously would leave you feeling a little more secure (or apropos)?
(Not the same E as below) but we do have great initials.
you’re right, e. let’s see if i can add those “romantic connotations” back in:
“that single friend you’re into”
“that single friend you’ve been eyeing since you shared opinions about gonzales v. raich”
“that single friend whose sex-parts you want to lick”
how’d i do?
Point well taken D
I was trying to point out that not all singles at BLS are straight, but I guess it didn’t come across right. If only homophobia were a thing of the past, rather than still hearing about unfortunate incidents like Donald Trump’s battle with a transgender beauty queen or arrests in St. Petersburg for holding signs that say “Gay is Normal.”
I write from the viewpoint of a straight single female, but I do try to make my thoughts as inclusive as possible, for we all have a “single friend whose sex-parts you want to lick.” As that cannot always be the case, I am open to a Legally In Love “guest” post about our LGBT dating scene.
I completely agree with D. I have never seen something so blatantly homophobic! Please stop making references to heterosexual attraction in your columns as well! They are very offensive!
Furthermore, I take issue with use of the term “single friend.” it does not include people who are in committed relationships that would like to commit infidelity with law school classmates!
“blatantly homophobic” is (obviously) more than a little too strong.
i usually enjoy reading these columns, and of course, it’s wildly straight, but that’s not a problem. it can’t be, or i’d be in big trouble. excluding a part of your audience from your advice isn’t the same as recounting a personal experience, though.
just caught me off guard, so i mentioned it in a comment. sfp i guess.